In three days it will be the exact middle of the summer and I am still waiting for some lazy days to totally relax. I keep thinking surely this week, and the week flies by and here I am again, another week and another busy schedule. I am so frustrated that the summer is half over and I have yet to enjoy long, leisurely days to breathe deep and enjoy the small, quiet moments.
The porch project, that I wrote about a few weeks ago, is mostly done. The bookshelves that my dear hubby is constructing are still in process, so that means many stacks of books are waiting to find new homes. They have been removed from their original places to make room for my mother-in-law to join our household. We got a new bed and linens, a wardrobe, miscellaneous items to make her room comfortable. We drove all the way to her home (6 hours away) to retrieve some personal items to make it seem more like home. We brought all her clothes that were left behind when she had her stroke and was rushed to the hospital. We did all we could to make her transition here as easy as possible.
It has been 12 days since Grandma has moved in, and we are making plans to move her to a facility close to her home. She has not been happy here, no matter how we have tried to make her feel like a part of the family. The stroke she has suffered has caused significant damage to her brain in ways we have trouble understanding. She can talk, she can move around pretty good, her long-term memory is good. She can have pleasant conversations, she seems fairly normal. But there are parts of her brain that don’t work right anymore, and it has resulted in bizarre behavior. She will suddenly say and do things that are so out of her ‘normal’ character, it leaves us breathless. She has wounded everyone with angry words that are so unwarranted. As much as she seemed to enjoy the children in the past, now they cause outbursts of anger with language this woman hasn’t used in her whole life!
It’s been a sad, discouraging journey for our family. We have spent a lot of time and effort making our home a place for her to share. It’s been no small sacrifice for our family. The past seven months since her stroke have been stressful as we’ve overseen her recovery and made ourselves available for her many needs. As she improved, she seemed to appreciate the closeness of family and enjoyed the time we spent with her. Despite her bouts of paranoia and confusion, we were hopeful that she would be content and peaceful in familiar surroundings with family she loved.
How could we have been so wrong? She seems quite lucid when she affirms she wants to be back close to her home near people she knows, even though none of her children live closer than a 6-hour drive. She can’t wait to leave. She is eager to be out of our home, which, admittedly, is full of energy and noise with our many children. We are working hard to understand that she is not the woman we have known all our lives. She is a different person, no longer focused on her family but totally self-absorbed. It is a painful process. It seems to be the ultimate rejection when your mother/grandmother wants to leave, can’t wait to leave, and says so quite emphatically.
Growing old is a journey that is different for all of us. My father-in-law sank into the abyss of Alzheimer’s and seemed to fade away piece by piece. Now his wife, my mother-in-law, is also dying in pieces. My parents, thankfully, are still fairly healthy but they are aging and have seem many of their contemporaries pass from this life into eternity already. Who knows where their journeys will take us? It is not something I look forward to; I dread the day I get “the call” that something awful has happened.
So it is with a heavy heart I write these words. One thing that cannot be changed is the inexorable march of time. I can only cry out with all that is in me: May my life count for something! When I enter eternity, may I leave behind a legacy for my children and others that will be a beacon of light pointing to my Savior!
Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
When I’m found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say…
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
Blessed be your name
When the sun’s shining down on me
When the world’s all as it should be
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say…
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, Blessed be your name
It is a very painful process. I am going through a similar thing with my Mom. We make the changes to our homes to accommodate them. They come for a while, then they want to leave. My Mom has been in and out of our home more than once as she can’t figure out what she wants. She doesn’t want to give up her independence, but needs the help. Her mind is just not what it once was. It’s sad.
In some regards, culture has made this worse. While culture has helped my Mom with her with independence, I am concerned that it has helped her beyond her true ability to care for herself – but how do you tell your Mom such a hard thing and till honor her?….
For us, her desire to leave feels like abandonment and rejection. BUT, I know that as we try to help her, we honor her. And, that honors the Lord.
I have been trying hard to learn what I can from it so that I can respond to my children differently.
May we all honor the Lord as we walk through this.
With prayer . . . .